Wherefore Art Thou, Foot?

Since an unscheduled meeting between moving vehicles in May, my leg has been out of commission and Wife has been helping me get around, 

but it's not as empowering as doing it myself.

My right leg was just released from its cast, which apparently was a hungry cast which ATE MY CALF.  Now I have one SUPER-STRONG calf and one shin with a turkey neck behind it.

Foot is still GIANT EXTRATERRESTRIAL FOOT, yet weak and very tender, with light Frankenscarring and a general inability to Foot without me making puppy-yelping noises and writhing on the floor.

My doctor told me I should start walking on it now. I patiently explained that FOOT DOESN'T LIKE THAT.

When I step on Foot, it does this, and apparently it's supposed to be doing THIS instead.

So.  Coming Up Next: Nerve Therapy, Physical Therapy, Pain Management Therapy, Wallet Therapy, Foot Pair Management Therapy.