Sunday, February 10, 2013

Daughter's Family Barbecue

[Wife] and I in the kitchen, talking in low tones. We say [Daughter]'s name in conversation.

[Daughter] (yelling from a far-flung corner of the house): "DID YOU CALL ME?!"

Me: "NOBODY CALLED YOU! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU."

[Daughter]: "WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?"

[Wife]: "WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE, SWEETIE!"

[Daughter]: "REALLY?!"

Me: "ALMOST. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW GOOD AND LEAN YOU ARE, AND HOW SWEET YOU WOULD BE IF WE BARBECUED YOU."

[Daughter]: "WHAT?!!"

Me: "WE'RE THINKING ABOUT A LUAU PIT, BUT I'M NOT A VERY GOOD COOK, SO YOUR MOM WOULD HAVE TO MONITOR THE PROCESS. HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU THINK YOU'D FEED? KEEP IN MIND WE WOULD ALSO HAVE SIDE DISHES."

[Daughter]: "YOU'RE A HORRIBLE FATHER!"

Me: "NO, I'M A HORRIBLE COOK! I AM A GOOD FATHER WHO'S PLANNING TO SHARE YOUR GOODNESS AND SWEETNESS WITH A WHOLE PARTY FULL OF PEOPLE! I'LL EVEN LET YOU CHOOSE WHAT KIND OF BARBECUE SAUCE WE'LL USE! CHOOSE SOMETHING THAT WILL STILL ALLOW YOU TO DEVELOP A CRISPY SKIN."

[Daughter]: "WAAAAAH! I'M RUNNING AWAY TO DISNEYLAND!"

Me: "DON'T BUTT INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S COVERSATIONS, THEN!"