I got SO excited this morning! My wife bought
new mustard (in a highbrow, disgusted fashion she relented to bring home
normal mustard because the kids and I were sick to death of the Spicy Brown
Low Fat Great In Recipes Made with the Finest
Mustard Seed and Natural Ingredients Mustard), and I saw that in addition to the already fantastic no-mess-
sphincter applicator, our new mustard was now 40% MORE FRENCH!!!
Now, I took beginning French in High School (and then again in college), and I was totally looking forward to having a little multicultural exchange with my condiment while I made my lunch sandwich.
Then, with the first squeeze of the bright jaune ("yellow" for you regular Americans) bottle, I got . . .
. . . a whole lot of regular mustard experience. No "Bonjour!", no "Comment Allez-Vous", not even a rude noise (because of the no-mess sphincter).
The bottle clearly says it is 40% more French!
I looked on the back, and found that my allegedly-multicultural mustard is made in Parsippany, NJ.
A quick search revealed
that Parsippany, NJ is located on the East Coast of the United States, to the left of Massachusetts but to the right of Ohio.
And it struck me - I was being duped! This New Jersey company had no intention of being any more multicultural than they already were! This whole thing was just a MATH SCAM!
40% more of zero percent French equals ZERO PERCENT FRENCH!
It's this kind of merde that makes me wish our truth in advertising laws had more teeth.