I just got a massive shipment of shoes. I had to replace both pairs of my work shoes (PLUS one pair for the near future), my worn-out dress shoes, and a pair of tennis shoes.
I am standing in my living room, surrounded by cardboard Shoe Packaging Carnage.
[Wife] (brightly): Does everything fit?
[Wife]: So why do you look so depressed?
[Me]: That was a LOT of money. For SHOES. Who cares about shoes?! Shoes aren't fun. You just wear them. If I'm gonna spend that much money at once, it should be for a team of strippers who bring me a Corvette and feed me desserts.
[Wife]: I never have negative emotions about shoes.
[Me]: You SHOULD!