Sunday, November 17, 2013

One Direction - Straight to Dad Hell

I took 15-year-old Daughter to Barnes and Noble because she wanted to pick up some stuff.  I browsed calendars.  When I took the Dogs Underwater calendar out of its slot, I saw this giant 18-month One Direction calendar stuffed behind it.

Now I have NOTHING against One Direction.  I think they are a bunch of fine young men who are clean-cut, talentless, arrogant, self-congratulatory, and annoying. 

[Daughter], on the other hand, would be willing to pay hundreds of dollars for tickets to see this group die in a fire.  She truly despises them and wishes them to be carried off by vultures.

So it was only in the purest spirit of Dad Mischief that I took the calendar and held it by my side as I went looking for [Daughter].

I found her browsing and casually asked her to "hold this while I go into the mall to get a pretzel?  I'll be right back," handed it to her and took off toward the store exit at a swift pace.

From behind me I heard the outraged "HEY! Take this back!" as she looked at what she was holding.

I kept walking.  I could hear her coming up behind me and demanding I take it back from her.  I didn't look back.

Finally the poor girl was nearly shouting, "Dad!  DAD!", and setting up the Dad-Prank perfect situation.

I turned around (walking backward) and found other customers looking at her waving the calendar above her head while calling me, just so I could tell her with a typical Exasperated Dad expression that "for the LAST TIME, [Daughter], I am NOT buying you that One Direction calendar no matter HOW much you beg me!".

I managed to stifle my giant grin as I turned and walked the last few feet out of the store where she couldn't follow because she had merchandise.

Outside the store I peeked back to find her glaring at me with eyes narrowed and nostrils flared, looking EXACTLY like her mother.

I love being a dad.