Breakfast at the Reddoch Howse

[Wife]: I got this great grinder so it's easier to make cinnamon toast!

[Son]: that's an interesting grinder design. It's like a little plastic vortex of pain and destruction.

[Daughter]: The chunks on the bottom were given a longer prison sentence. They have to watch all their cell mates get mutilated and eaten.

Me: Why would cinnamon and sugar be in prison?

[Daughter]: Because they're evil.  Yet . . . sweet?

[Son]: Like college girls.

Me: And a lot of old women.

[Wife]: Wait -

[Son]: Geez, Mom, did you buy this from Mitt Romney?  Is he selling GRINDERS FULL OF WOMEN?!

[Daughter] (beginning to use the grinder on her toast): Yay, cannibalism!

[Wife] (head in hands)

Me: Hon, I think you need a chaperone when you grocery shop.