[Wife]: I got this great grinder so it's easier to make cinnamon toast!
[Son]: that's an interesting grinder design. It's like a little plastic vortex of pain and destruction.
[Daughter]: The chunks on the bottom were given a longer prison sentence. They have to watch all their cell mates get mutilated and eaten.
Me: Why would cinnamon and sugar be in prison?
[Daughter]: Because they're evil. Yet . . . sweet?
[Son]: Like college girls.
Me: And a lot of old women.
[Wife]: Wait -
[Son]: Geez, Mom, did you buy this from Mitt Romney? Is he selling GRINDERS FULL OF WOMEN?!
[Daughter] (beginning to use the grinder on her toast): Yay, cannibalism!
[Wife] (head in hands)