Saturday, April 23, 2011

My Dad Ventriloquism FINALLY WORKS!

THE SCENE: My Living Room.  Wife on the love seat, dog on feet, laptop on lap.  Daughter on sofa, fingernail in mouth while reading book.

ME: (looking upside-down at wife's laptop) Whatcha looking at there, Hon?

WIFE: (happily) Handbags!
A Handbag

Another Handbag
Still Yet Another Handbag

ME: (dying inside, thinking of all the damn handbags that lie around the house, but not wanting to spoil my just-started week of vacation with an argument about handbags, which are more precious to my wife than most of her family members.  I mean, her family members that aren't  her handbags) . . .

DAUGHTER: Why would you possibly need more handbags?  Don't you, like, have a ton of them?

ME: [Omigod, my 12-year-old daughter just spoke my thoughts out loud!]
I believe This One Is Actually A Purse? Is There A Difference?
WIFE: But I use all of them!

Is This One a Freaking Clutch?  I Dunno.  Don't Quote Me On That.

DAUGHTER: Handbags are boring.

ME: [It's like I am speaking through my daughter!] . . .

WIFE: How could you say that?  They're pretty!

DAUGHTER:  (returning to book) Boring.

ME: IT WORKED!  IT FINALLY WORKED!!!