I'm a Big Fan of Cleaning

Totally Unnecessary and Obvious Spring Cleaning Tip: When dusting the ceiling fan above your bed, your memory foam mattress may not be the most stable place to stand.

Bonus Unnecessary Tip: When wiping down the fan blades, take care not to scoot accumulated dust off the blade into your face.

I know, NOBODY needs anyone to tell them this.

Parent Thetical

Sleepy Daughter comes to say goodnight and lays still, face down on my bed. I pick up her limp arm using the woven friendship bracelets on her limp wrist. 

Daughter (still face down): Don't. Stop. 

Me (still holding up her arm): Okay, I won't stop.

Daughter: That's not what I said.  I said "Don't - semicolon, period, or exclamation point - stop." 

Me: Oh, I heard "Don't - parens, Stop, end parens."

Daughter (still face down, arm still suspended): For someone so punctual, you suck at punctuation.